worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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