Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
