Sponge bath it is.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
