Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
