wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
