i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
