you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
