btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
