My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
