If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
