what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Houston, we have a squirter
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
