WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
