I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
