Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
