I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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