I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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