I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
