it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
