worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
