nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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