i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
