let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
