I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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