$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
