you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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