I intend to get homeless drunk
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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