their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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