operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
