Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
