Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
