What a fucking waste of an outfit
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
