Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Alive.
So much puke
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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