they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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