Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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