She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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