so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
