Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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