Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
