1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
