Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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