you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I look better un-naked...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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