i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
