There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
