I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
