Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
