he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
