I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just invented taco cereal.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
