This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
