You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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