Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
