Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
