Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
