i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
