my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
well, you know. whores of a feather.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
