There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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